Just answering a few questions to stave things off ahead of time.
Q. Will you write my resume?
A. Not only will I not, but I can’t. I contract for a CPRW firm under a non-compete clause. I may have a foul mouth, but I also have something of a moral compass.
I mean it’s a little rusty, but it’s there.
Q. Will you help me look for a job?
A. …I just wrote a 300+ page book to do just that. If you can’t be assed to read it and do it yourself, that doesn’t say much for your work ethic. I make everything really simple for you in THE 13 WAYS. Just use your common sense and you’ll be fine.
In other words, no. I have neither the time nor the inclination, not to mention I’m pretty sure that, too, would violate my non-compete.
Q. What career path should I take?
A. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Do I look like I know you?
Q. Is Adam A. Anderson your real name?
A. …bb, do you think I want to lose my job?
Q. Do you have to be so vulgar?
A. SO I DON’T HAVE AN ANEURYSM.
Q. You need therapy.
A. Writing a book costs less.
Q. What’s with the “10 13″ thing?
A. It’s mostly just me being snarky. One, I hate top ten lists, but actually set out to write one. Two, I got so annoyed while writing that I ended up with 13 reasons instead of the bog standard ten. Three, there’s this whole thing about 13 being unlucky, and the goal of the book is to turn that unlucky number lucky.
Yeah. I know. It’s weird. It’s just a thing. It looks cool on the cover. Go bugger.
Q. Your own book says to cover all your bases on social media, but you’re only on Twitter. What gives?
A. Did you know I have two other author pen names in completely different genres, both with their social media all registered up?
Did you also know that if I try to create third accounts on all those platforms from the same device and the same IP every last one will likely block me as a Russian spam bot?
More seriously, though, social media is a cesspit on a good day, a burning heap of old tires covered in dung on even a mildly bad day. It’s exhausting. It’s draining. It’s toxic. I have better things to do with my life than maintain three full sets of social media accounts, when I could be writing more books.
You’ll take Twitter and you’ll like it.
(Okay caveat – I had a Facebook account, and because I hate Facebook and never used it, Facebook decided I was suspicious and locked me out of it. Which…is exactly what I said would happen.)
Q. My Kindle won’t download your book.
A. Contact Amazon, not me. That’s a device problem. You can find their help page here. Go irritate them.
Q. Your book made me angry! I am offended and up in my feelings! I want a refund!
A. Again: you give Amazon the money. Amazon gives me the money only after the return period has passed. Since you gave Amazon the money, you have to ask Amazon for the money back.
Or you could get over your fee-fees and learn something, but hey, who am I to judge?
Q. I think I know who you really are.
A. Good for you, now point me to the moment when I started giving a fuck. Go read my angsty gay romance novels if you’re that bored, then.